The truth about being a blogger is that sometimes it’s hard to be so vulnerable. Yes, I write about cooking, eating, and drinking. But I also share personal anecdotes and happenings from my life. And the latest big event in my life happened to be the end of maternity leave; something that gave me serious anxiety. So rather than face the music, I turned to my good friend Mr. Denial.
It’s not that I don’t really love my job – because I do. But I didn’t expect to love being a mom so much. Remember my rant about that last year? I just wasn’t sure I was ready for motherhood and all the craziness that came along with it.
But now that Kai is here, I’m simply infatuated with him and SO thankful he’s here with us – even on the hardest days (and there are some HARD days with a newborn). The thought of leaving our little peanut with a stranger for 10 hours a day was enough to get me all choked up. And I knew that any blog post I started would inevitably end in me writing about that. And then feeling upset. So I avoided both like the plague. I buried myself into being a mom, and decided to not think about anything else.
Not surprisingly, avoiding thinking about it didn’t change anything. Before I knew it, my 12 weeks of maternity leave was over. I reluctantly squeezed into my old work clothes (FYI, I’m sooo not back to my pre-pregnancy size) and marched back to the office with my coffee mug in one hand, and “stylish on-the-go pumping tote” in another.
The good news? For as much anxiety as I had, I will admit that in a lot of ways, it was actually great to be back at work. My co-workers couldn’t have been more kind and supportive, and it’s refreshing to have conversations with grown-ups. But it’s still so hard to leave Kai every morning. I can’t help but think about him, and miss him, all day long. And I don’t imagine that changing. Ever.
So there ya go, peps. Life lately. The open and honest version.
And now it’s your turn. Do you have any advice for returning back to work post-baby? Come on working mommas, I need ya. I’d love your thoughts!